Steps 8 and 9 in the 12-step programs talk about “making a list of all persons we had harmed” in step 8, and “making direct amends, wherever possible” in step 9. Sponsors who have worked through these steps and have maintained abstinence for many years are just as puzzled and confused about what constitutes “amends.” Indirect Amends are ways to repair damage that cannot be physically undone.
The program and this step made me see that it was their own doing; they made the choice. This was after they both had died and I am sorry that I couldn’t take this issue up with them personally. But I know they will know, we had settled everything made our amends to each other and enjoyed the rest of their lives. This makes me realize more and more how much this program is a lifetime program.
It would be easy to think there is nothing more WYG can write about guilt and grief. We’ve written about how common guilt is in grief (you wouldn’t believe how many people get the “coulda woulda shouldas”). We wrote an article about the difference between guilt and regret. We talked about the complicated processes of self-forgiveness and self-compassion. We’ve filled you in on things that can exacerbate guilt, like hindsight bias and survivors’ guilt. We’ve given you journaling exercises around coping with regret.
For example, someone living with an addiction may make amends by apologizing for stealing property and then make it right by returning what they’d taken. We can’t know for certain how another person will respond—or even how the interaction might affect us emotionally. So be sure to talk with what is a living amends your sponsor and/or support group about your plan in the event that you need support. It’s not one we use too frequently in our everyday language, but it still holds significant meaning. To make amends means to apologize for something you have done or for wronging someone in some way.
Dictionary Entries Near make amends
That is also a different ball of wax entirely, one that we have written about here. We believe that the only path to forgiveness is asking it of the person we love, the person we believe we hurt, and making amends for what we did wrong. You’re left with a mountain https://ecosoberhouse.com/ of guilt and no one to apologize to, no one from whom you can ask forgiveness or make amends. I am very sorry for stealing money out of your desk in order to fund my drug habit last year. Remembering how I stole from you makes me sad and fills me with shame.
- Thankfully, there are tips you can take to help make your living amends permanent and lasting.
- If someone does not want to hear from us, we respect that and do our best to move forward with our recoveries.
- The spiritual principle involved is that of forgiveness, not only from others but forgiveness of self, which can bring healing to both parties.
We recommend that you take these two steps once you have committed yourself to the valuable process to many in recovery. Although SMART Recovery and Practical Recovery have no specific amends measures, both methods acknowledge that they are valuable for many recoveries and recommend recognizing our role and doing things right when possible. Peer support programs that do not go beyond the AA / NA model, as you may have read. Remember that part of making amends is demonstrating changed behavior. Even concrete steps like repaying a debt aren’t done once you hand money over; you also have to avoid betraying that person in the future. For this reason, amends are an ongoing process without an end date.
Why did Hamas attack, and why now? What does it hope to gain?
Making amends is the best way to reconnect with the people who have been deeply hurt as a result of your actions. Addiction has the ability to irrevocably sever the most intimate bonds of family and friendship. Whether your goal is to amend a family relationship, a work relationship, or to humble yourself before others whom you have offended, making amends is an important step toward rectifying a broken situation. There are many profound differences between giving someone an apology and making amends with them. Simply put, an apology is like putting a band aid on a wound; it covers the source of the pain until it eventually disappears.
A reductive definition would be to apologize for harming ourselves sincerely. It is essential to understand that a simple apology is not enough to damage you during the process. You have to make sure that you say, ‘I know I did wrong and I changed, and I want to put things right. They create imagined monsters which seldom materialize while making amends. Making the effort to rectify old behaviors is much less difficult than it is in the mind of an addict.